love... the only reality

I just watched a movie and it rushed so many things through my mind. As if these things don't already run across it daily..

Love " the only reality " .. and the only thing to believe in.

I want it so badly... some days it makes me sad. Others I get so happy thinking of the day it'll be mine... the day I can be the one and only reason to make someone smile.. be the meaning they think their whole life was made for.

I want that feeling. I want it all, the whole package. I want to get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think something is wrong or I'm about to lose them... I want to feel that jealousy when someone takes a second glance at my love... I want to know that I'm not holding just anyone in my arms... I'm holding onto my world, my life. I want to know that everything I worry about are the things that they find to be nothing... and calm me. I want them to tell me how much they want a family with me.. how much they went to have children together. I want to know he adores me and only me.. That I'm enough for him... and he needs no attention from strangers or anyone else... just me.

I sometimes wish I was born in the past... I feel at such a loss in this generation and that the boys/guys/men of these days, I have no relevance to.. no connection. I want someone old fashioned... someone who can love every moment with me, especially the ones when we just talk all night... someone who gives me that sensational feeling when i feel their gaze on me.. one who can give me the greatest feeling with their words... with their feelings.


Sad to say they're so few and far between.. At this rate I'll be on my own for a good while... and for now I can deal with that.. for now...